He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
