i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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