You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
