I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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