it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
