At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
