His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
