Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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