Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
