How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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