Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
