The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
