I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
