I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
