He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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