I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
