i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
