I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
