i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When did angry sex become our thing?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
