you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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