I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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