There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
