Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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