I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
