ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
