So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
