i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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