I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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