i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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