The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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