So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I just sharted jello shots
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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