I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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