Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
