I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
