it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
