wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
