she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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