how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
