when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
