evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we made out on top of his cat.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
