you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
