True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
