She is in my trunk
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
