Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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