we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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