I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
