Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
