Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
