Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
