wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
