I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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