im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
